life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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