I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize