the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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