not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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