I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
