U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
