i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
