So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
