Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
