when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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