I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
