Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
