Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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