I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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