can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
