Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
