maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
