Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
