I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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