he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
