We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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