I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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