Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
are you so shy because you have an std?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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