Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Randomize
