You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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