This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
