I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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