i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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