Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You're a waste of cheezeits
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
