Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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