i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
