Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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