My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
