Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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