I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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