just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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