2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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