dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
