At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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