no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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