JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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