Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
