we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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