Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
