turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
