exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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