did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
