Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
