im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
