I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
