I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
