it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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