carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
