I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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