is your mom at the bar?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
