So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
