i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
