I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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