my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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