sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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