remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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