Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
