dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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