I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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