Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
