Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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