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im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
