Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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