winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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