I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
