I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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