ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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