I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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