Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
